What's in it for me? Great 'spanking' play, with people I like & consider me as a friend...

What's in it for me with polyamory

Goes to look up polyamory. I just keep thinking jackanory...Or is that to do with wanking? Sorry, I will go & google polyamory...

polyamory

ˌpɒliˈam(ə)ri/

noun

1. the practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved.

Sounds good to me, but the emphasis being on 'sexual relationships'. Not available for casual, nooo fees exchanged, nooo strings. There has to be a friendship. I am not into 'bottom collectors' Which is usually the 'nooo strings' 'nooo fees exchanged' brigade...

Whats wrong with being a friend, its not like I'm going to suddenly full in love & start demanding daily attention, because I desperately NEED! attention. I'm not going to get all clingy, possessive & Jealous. I don't do clingy, possessive, jealous, needy, attention seeking, I never have, neither have I wanted 'Exclusive' Just respectful, treated like a friend, no grief from some blokes other fem wossy...

I feel so disappointed sometimes...

Anyway...

I was reading this good journal, writing wossy on Fetlife...

I am going to do my dissection thing again...

What's in it for me with polyamory

Journal Entry | 11 Comments · 18 Love It | By DK

I've chatted to a lot of different people and quite often when the conversation comes round to the fact I like to play with different people there's lots of questions. What's in it for you with polyamoroy? What do you get from playing with different people? Why don't you just want one partner?

I was surprised by this...Because the people I talk to, seem to be into casual encounters with lots of people. Fair enough...Then I was thinking, maybe I attract the casual 'no strings' peeps, because I am mainly into spanking, or because I put on my profile that I am a very quiet introvert. I dunno...

The thing I've learned over a perod of time is that given the same bag of kit to play with different people will do different things. 

Yeess! I used to love party play...Though party play was fun & different &..................One to one play with my Dom, was always so much better. Because we could go deeper & do more. Being that we knew each other well, the trust was there...Party play is more casual 'fun' play for about 15 minutes, whereas one to one play was a long, intense 2-3 hours, where I often ended up sooo relaxed, floating off somewhere in my own, well, subbie world...

Party play was, meet a complete stranger, have a chat, play for about 15 minutes, then sit down for some red wine & more chat, in my own 'introvert' way...

Some will choose completely different areas for their focus - 

My focus with my then 'Sir' was...well...regular, long, deep, intense thrashing...

My focus at a party...Ohhh! Wow! Over the knee HARD! spanking...OMFG! I LOVE THIS!!! Passionate 'HARD!' spanking with a leather paddle, but it was sooo! Intense & 'Mmmm!' Because I had industrial ear muff woosies & I was blindfolded...etc etc etc....

one may like to do impact play another may like to tie me up.

Impact play...Restrained...'Mmmm!'...but with the right Dom for me 'One to one at my home'...Party play is different, because there are other people around, so safer to play with strangers, without the 'Getting to know you/them'

 Often the one who ties me in the most amazing ways can't do impact for nuts and vice versa. 

I can understand that...

The skills required to do both well take a fair bit of time to develop so lots of people specialise!

Skill does come into spanking, but I'm not sure about specializing. I suppose if you're into canning, you learn more about caning, flogging, you learn all about flogging & collect many floggers, etc...

However even given two people who love impact play, using the same implement, the sensation is different. 

Yes. Some better then others...

They build the play differently, they use the implement in different ways. It's just different!

Some differences for good, others not so good...

I've had a few people think it's all about a race to see who can hurt me the most and that couldn't be further from the case!

Hmmm! Not good. It's not a competition...

 Yes with some people I can be a bit of a painslut and bring out a sadist some weren't aware was in them. 

{HeeHee} Me too...but there has to be trust, there has to be a close connection, as in 'friendship'. Otherwise it is just like going through the motions...

But others I can play really gently with and STILL come away really fulfilled by the experience. It's not a competition.

Yep!

What it IS is a unique expression of my relationship with that person. 

Yes. I can see what she means by that...It doesn't have to mean 'love'...'Exclusive'...'Daily attention'...It is about 'people' being different, being themselves, not being creepy, arrogant dudes, with women issues...

 

What we have is individual to us. 

Yes...'Individual'...To 'US!'...Not one of many, one of the community, compared to so & so. That goes both ways...

I won't do anything quite the same with one person as I do with another (even if I do pinch ideas for future play). 

Yep!

It's not the case that X marked her so I have to leave my mark.

Exactly...

If I choose to play with you it's because I like YOU because of who you are. 

Yep! Exactly...but if I don't know you as a friend, only that you want an arrangement, that you're more interested in spanking my bottom, then knowing me as a person...As in being a 'friend'...Don't panic, being friends, knowing each other as friends, does not mean I so desperately WANT! you & I want daily attention from you, for you to be my 'exclusive' Dom...

If I choose to play with you I don't want you to try to match or exceed someone else, 

Yep!

 

I want to experience our unique expression of kink because of how we connect. 

Yep!...Don't panic, that does not mean 'deep' meaningful 'exclusive' love EVERY! SINGLE! DOMLY! SLAVEY! day...It means you know where I am as well & its not all about 'Arrange play' nooo input in between...

I just want to relax and let the endorphins flow through the way YOU play and enjoy being with you!

Yes! Exactly...The ultimate in relaxation...& soooo! 'Mmmm!'...

EDIT: A comment made to me privately has made me realise I hadn't fully expressed the key element. It's always less about the play and all about the relationship - 

Yes...Me too, otherwise it just feels like going through the motions...Playing with a friend is so much better then playing with a cold, distant, on occasion, casual, nooo strings, nooo fees exchanged 'Stranger' Who wants a pro sub arrangement, but as a freebie...Because that is how it feels...'Cold!' 'Distant!' 'Going through the motions' 'Me Dom, you mere bottom'...Not good...

the sharing on many levels with the person. I rarely play with people I don't care about deeply and see myself growing to love. 

Hmmm! Only love as a close friend. I am married to the love of my life. Fondness, yes. Care about their feelings, yes...

That's why for me play is an expression of that relationship, it's a lot more than just hitting me or tying me

Well said her...